Siiggh.

I constantly am faced with this decision. My problem (which actually is not a problem at all) is that I like to forgive and forget. In "normal" relationships, this would be acceptable, but not when the other person NEVER forgets that ONE thing you did wrong. How am I suppose to know when the chances run out. Usually people say "Three Strikes and Your Out". Well with me, it's more like 10, 20, 30 strikes and you still have a chance! I wish someone could explain to me in detail what love is. What components REALLY make up love. I can sit here and tell you what I think love is. That flowers, and butterflies, and sex all make up this fairy tale love land. But to be honest-- LOVE = Lies, Deceit, Mistrust....I would like to think that all these aspects are perfectly normal in living a fairy tale relationship. Common, yes. Normal, NO! I am at the age where I'm suppose to be having fun right? I'm suppose to be flirting and giving guys my number and never picking up the phone when they call. Right? I'm suppose to be DATING. Something that young people do. Instead, I am in a committed relationship. One which involves joy, tears, money, lust, anger and every other emotion you could possibly think of. I'm not complaining (well I sort of am), I love the feeling of being loved. I love the excitement and anticipation of feeling the tight kiss or warm embrace of the BF. But I do NOT love the fact in order to get to those amazing kisses and warm embraces, I have to climb the ladder of stress, tears and occasional bitch fits. Most will feel as though it makes sense. To stop all of this mess, simply change your attitude. Nope! Sorry! I am NOT the type of person to let people get away with things. Your "my bads" are NOT going unnoticed. Because when I have an "oppsie" lord have mercy on my soul I am the worse person in the world. My mouth gets me in trouble a lot. When I'm angry it says things I really don't mean (well I DO really mean them, I just shouldn't be saying them.).

I don't want to say I'm unhappy. Because that would be a little drastic. I'm happy, sometimes of course. And other times, I am mad. I am sad. And often distraught. I wish I had a little book or something that told me all the answers to every relationship question I ever had. Ya know, kinda like the Staples "That was Easy" button. This, is NOT easy. At all. There are times I want to scream. There are times that I can't stop smiling. Mother dearest, you NEVER told me LOVE was going to be THIS difficult. This shit is hard as a muthafucka! They def don't make this crap peaches and cream. Well, I guess every lesson is one to learn. Right? We'll see.