It's a Sad, Sad Day in La La Land...

Last night my boyfriend went back to school, in Boston. That's 4 1/2 hours away. I should be perfectly use to this, its our 4th semester together. But for some reason this time is taking a heavy toll on me. When he goes back we, I mean I usually go through some emotional breakdown just to get some sort of attention. But this time its different, we've been so rocky that I'm scared to see what this semester might bring. I feel bad because its like I put a really hard guilt on his shoulders when he leaves. I cry, I bitch..I do everything to keep him to stay. Its selfish of me. He's going to school and playing football to better himself. Meanwhile I just want him all for myself. I know we are going to get through it because we do so EVERY fucking semester but I just feel so alone when he's there. I want to talk to him 24/7 despite the fact that he has classes. Its kind of like a long distance relationship...and that shit drives me crazy. I go into this extreme desperation to see him when he's in Boston. But things are going to be different this semester. And I think that's what's making me so emotional this time around. Its not gonna be like last semester where he was home every two weeks. When he was at my job every two weeks. Its more complicated this time around. We have ONE day when he's home to make it happen despite the fact that he has other things to do as well. I need something to take my mind off of this. The gym, a new hobby...SOMETHING! Going out and clubbing etc, is not going to work. When I'm out, all I think about is him. I just want to close my eyes and have the summer be here already!! Just poof, hello june!! Wishful thinking eh!? Well needless to say, I'm fully prepared for the months to come. And I love him. So I understand what I need to do to make this relationship to work. Wish me luck lovelys!