When Life Gives You Problems...PUNCH THAT SHIT IN THE FACE UNTIL IT BLEEDS!!!!!

I have given up. I fell against the wall with absolutely NO means of picking myself up. A few years ago, I resulted in poetry to find that momentary solstice from the agonizing world. But since I've been in this "relationship" and I use that word VERY loosely, I've stopped writing poetry. I use to create some pretty spectacular master pieces. But I "thought" and I use that word loosely as well, I found the person who really completed me. Completed me so much that I no longer needed to express myself through writing because he was here to listen to me. Well, its been about a year and 3 months since I've stopped writing. I think I need to get back into the habit of that. Instead of bitching and screaming, I need to open myself up to a pen and paper. I've made myself comfortable with allowing every emotion to take over and control my daily routines. It's not so easy. I can blog for days because something like that comes effortlessly. But writing a poem? Is that just a phase of my juvenille existance? I want to scream! But I know that won't get me anything but a scratchy throat. Every frustration and aggravation from every thing around me has created this super duper evil ball of stress that continues to take over me. There are several times when I come home and I just cry. I'm an emotional person, so crying comes naturally to me. I remember when I first got into this relationship. I left a VERY abusive relationship. I was being verbally and emotionally abused on a daily. I felt as though he saved me. He told me he would never make me cry. And he's the reason for each and every tear that falls from my eye. I'm going to take a jab at this poetry thing I use to be so familiar with. We will see where it goes..



Today I cracked a smile. A smile on the sly. Not sure if it was caught, by a stranger passing by. These smiles don't come often. They never seem to stay.It's just a phase I go through to get me passed the day. Today I wiped my tears. I wasn't sure why they were falling. They burned my lips as they rolled down my cheek, into a perfect puddle of grief. This smile has been taken advantaged of, which caused the tears to fall, my heart has been abused, which made me build this wall. I wake up in the morning and I am alone. Alone in spirit, alone in actuality. I prefer it this way. It takes every bit of negativity out of my soul. I am a being of mass destruction. I fight with my words, kill with my wit and stab with my sword. I am a child of God. Taking every battle that comes my way with force. I. WILL. NOT. LOSE. I will not be subjected to the mannerisms and beliefs of the "American Way". I will not fall victim to those who will continue to beat me down until I am left senseless. I may not have it all, but I have my sanity and no matter HOW hard society, friends, family, school, work and any other fucked up thing tries to beat it out of me...I. WILL. NOT. LOSE. Today I cracked a smile, as I let my tears fall. I put the shit behind me, I FINALLY stood up tall. Tomorrow I will smile because I know I deserve the best. Friday I will let my tears fall, because I know I've passed God's test.