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I've been neglecting La La Land BIG time and unfortunately the only time I really get back into the mix of things is when I have something to say! I won't go into details, nor will justify the excuse of self-pity. I simply want to state that I have been pushed and pushed and pushed to the point where I finally fell off the cliff. I held on to every rock and every ledge constantly trying to pull myself up but still, I tripped, fell and stumbled!!!! Speaking with a fellow co-worker who is maybe about 10-12 years older than me she stated that men never really grow up...EVER!! Does that make it ok for them to act like selfish, immature, heartbreaking bastards? DEFINITELY NOT!!!!!! I feel in love with someone I really cared for. Someone who I worshiped the ground he walked on. We went through SO much and ultimately he was my first true love! I can cry about it like I normally do, or I can call this a lesson learn. I've constantly stuck by him through ALL his endeavors in hopes that I will no longer be his option, but rather his priority. After a year and 9 months I have learned SO much, both good and bad that will continue to stick with me as I grow. I am sad. And every inch of my body feels hurt because I love that boy to death. Not just as a boyfriend, but as EVERYTHING! But sometimes you just have to do what's good for you. What's next? I guess I'm going to focus on myself. Make things right with ME! It is definitely time for some "Me Time". I'm not even thinking about love. It is going to take me a LONG time to get over this one. I mean VERY long time. But I'm strong. I can get through anything I put my heart to. The worst part of it all is simply remembering. I would pay BIG money to just wipe my memory away. That's when I become sad. When I think about the times he made me laugh, the times he dried my tears. UGHHH!!!! I fucking miss him SO SO SOOOO much. But I have to do this for myself. He was giving me the time of day that I needed and deserved. With that being said. I'm single. I'm not looking. I'm not ready to mingle. I'm just single and alone.