MEN!! ::grunts::

Everyone that knows me is well aware of the fact that I love men. I love em in all shapes, sizes and colors!! Although I have a man that I am truly in love with we both find it ok to look. I don't look at other men in sexual ways, I look and say "Oh, he's a cutie". Nothing more nothing less. But I'm not here to go IN on my wants, needs and likes. I'm here to openly express the fact that men, as of lately, have been getting on my LAST fucking nerve!!! I'm going to go into detail about what I've been dealing with over the past few weeks/days. As a woman, I am flattered that men possess an interest in me. That means that I can eat all the cake and donuts I want and men would still me interested because I am STILL fabb. I don't seek this attention. I swear to god I actually hate this attention. I'm not one of those girls who prance in hoochie coochie shorts in hopes that someone would holla at me. I am just me!! Plain and simple. With that being said, I want to describe the disgrace and disgust of what I've been going through. My mother is a regular where we live. She grew up there and she pretty much knows just about everyone. Her male friends are all pushing 50 and 60. Her male friends KNOW I am ONLY 21 because they ask. Not out of respect for my mother you would think they wouldn't cross the line. Hell, I can count just about 10 of them who made me want to slap the shit out of them. They know I have a man. Oh man, they know I have a man. I don't know what other details my mother tells them, but they know. I guess that is why they are seeing how far they can go. Sorry baby, get your old ass the FUCK away from me. There is something in the air because older men are loving the shit out of me! They tell my mother "your daughter has a baby face". So apparently I look my age. I feel disrespected. Like I'm a piece of meat that is getting tossed around the cellar, with hopes that someone is going to get a chance to suck on the bone!

Beside my mothers friends there is this cleaning guy at my job, as well as a few other messengers that REALLY irk my nerves. You guys have heard the one about Mr. Name Dropper. But this cleaning guy. OH MY GOD I want to fling his fat, retarded ass to the other side of the room. To give you more of an imagery for this picture, I can best describe him looking EXACTLY like Peter Griffin from Family Guy!! He disgusts me!!! He likes lurking around and listening to my conversations and jumping in them. He pisses me the FUCK off!!!! To the point that I just ignore his ass! Today is what really put the icing on the cake. I'm sitting down at my desk minding my business and his little humpty dumpty ass comes and sets up the fan and has it blowing on me. So I say "I didn't need the fan, it's not that hot yet." He says "Better late then never". BITCH!! Get the fuck away from me. Please!!! You are aware that I have a man and that he would kick your ass. You said that shit yourself. So what the fuck is wrong with you??? There is a point where being nice and being overly suggestive REALLY gets on my fucking nerves!

Then there are the friends who know DAMN well you have a man and are waiting for that time when you're arguing with your man so they can make their way in. Sorry babe cakes, this is not The Hills, LP don't work like that. Just because I am arguing with my boyfriend does NOT mean that chilling with you is going to make it all better. No, I don't want to meet up. And NO, I don't want to talk about it. I'm not stupid. As much as you would like to think so, I don't roll like that.

There must be something in this summer air. Men are being complete and utter slobs EVERYWHERE!!! I can't even walk outside to sit on my bench without a group of NIGGAS (and I do NOT use that word loosely) eyeballing and making me feel completely uncomfortable. I was waiting for a friend the other day in Union Sq. Park and there was a summer concert going on. As I waited and enjoyed the horrible sounds of this white girl doing a rendition of Lady Gaga- Telephone, I noticed I had a fan. This guy moved just about every way he possibly could so he could get a clear view of me. At first I thought it was in my head, but then we made this uncomfortable eye contact and I wanted to throw up in my mouth! He smiled, I continued to send my text message. He moved closer and closer to the point he could probably smell my deodorant from where he was standing. After he realized that I was NOT entertaining his stupid "Marco, Polo" game and that I had NO interest in even acknowledging his presence, he walked away. Men get something in their penis that makes them become these horny little bastards that pray on innocent little girls such as myself. I can only imagine the scrutiny these poor girls who walk around with their ass checks hanging out get. I had a dress on the other day at work, instead of a young gentleman saying "You look nice Lauren", he walks in and was taking aback by my choice of clothing that he even did a whistle, he through an Oh my God, and then he went ahead and asked me where I was going with my boyfriend tonight. ACTUALLY, I was going to a funeral. Thanks for a being a complete and utter jerk.

Why must a guy have some sort of method to approach a woman. I usually get "How are you"...I say "I'm good, or fine" and they automatically ask "Do you have a boyfriend?". Listen you dumb bitch, if I possessed ANY interest in your pitiful ass I would flirt with you. I would throws settle hints about how lonely I am. I am HAPPILY in LOVE!! So please, get the FUCK out my face. And when I tell you I have a boyfriend, I'm going to need you to take TWO, no THREE muthafucking steps back. Most people who are reading this probably think I'm a bitch. Well, I am! I'm a total bitch. And word obviously has got around that I have a man. So please, all I ask is that you bitches respect that.

That is all.