La La Land

I woke up this morning feeling empty. Almost as if my body was made strictly of air. I felt lifeless; like a dead soul waiting to be buried. I have hit rock bottom. I have been living my life a lie. I have pretended to be happy when deep down inside I am sad. If I had a choice I would go far, far away. So far that no one or nothing would know my whereabouts or how to get in touch with me. The success that I often brag about is slowly slipping away from me. I've given up on trying to please myself and focused strictly on pleasing others. The ending result?? Failure. I am failure, with all of its components. I never doubted karma...but why me??? What have I done to deserve these horrid turn of events?? I am 21 years old. I am still a baby. But I feel as though I have lived my life to its capacity. I let a single force control me, and now I have nothing. I have no one. Will this force receive their fair share of karma as well?? I feel as though it is too late to ask the lord for help. He no longer is willing to get me out of this situation. So I go what I always do-- CRY! I cry until my head hurts and my vision is blurred. I cry until someone or something brings the happiness that I have longed for all my life. Who do I speak to?? How do I get this so-called happiness?? I have never felt so cold. My body has never felt so stiff. I would never wish death upon anyone, but I wish I would go to sleep and never wake up again. I'm giving up...I don't care anymore. I have nothing more to live for....