Pure Genius.

Are you jealous of his creativity? I am!!

I Want to Marry This White Boy.

Maestro Knows - Episode 6 (Air Yeezy Skate) from Maestro Knows on Vimeo.

My Secret Is....

I Secretly Crush on this little boy...

I hate him and his music, but he has caught my eye lately..i'd SO do his young ass. yummm. BTW, this is pete's fault.

My DREAM Man.

I must admit. My past relationships have been whack. It always ends up with someone making me cry or making me want to poke their eyes out with a metal rod with rust growing out the end. But I learn from each and everyone of my relationships and I don't regret the past, because I can now go into a relationship and be aware of what SHOULDN'T happen. The warning signs that let me know I need to make a SERIOUS U-turn and get the hell outta dodge. So I've always had this conception of the "perfect" guy. Of course he hasn't made his presence known, but I still can hope and wish. So here it goes:

1. The first thing I notice on a man is his shoes. I don't notice his face, his smile..I notice what's on his feet. I'm always looking down...so if your shoes are hot then I'm moving on up to your face. If your shoes are dusty..I don't even give you the time of day. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEE kicks, so you need to be on the same level as me. I've made that mistake in the past. Fuckin with someone who rocked like Nautica kicks. Pshh, since when does Nautica make shoes?? If your shoe game is on point...then I fucks with ya!!

2. After you pass the shoe test I move on up to the face. Teeth check. If your teeth are begging to get out your mouth, I throw up a little bit and keep it moving. And this is extremely difficult in NYC, cause EVERYBODY got jacked up teeth up in this bitch. Theres like some chemicals in the water that just fuck em all up. I want a nice smile. Pretty smile. Even if your teeth are slightly doing the cha cha at least make up for it with some toothpaste. A smile is worth a thousand words.

3. From the mouth I make it up to the head. Most dudes wear fitteds, so it's a little difficult to get this generalization on the first look. But a nappy head is NOT a good look. I don't care if you're growing your hair out or if you can't get squeezed in at the barber shop...Lint and cat hair and all that other nasty shit caked up in your hair is disgusting. Keep it clean. Give me a low fade or even some waves. Mini-fros?? HELL NO!!! Don't even try it.

4. So I'm all about being independent. But my dude is gonna have to have some sort of steady income. To be honest, I don't care what the fuck it is. If you wanna sell drugs, then so be it. I just don't wanna hear broke cries all the time. You need to be stuntin' just as hard as me. If not even harder (if you can keep up).

5. Family orientated!! You can always tell the way your man will treat you by the way he treats his mother. If you have brothers and sisters, be active in their life. I wanna know you and your mom just had like a BFF talk. Close knit family ties is soooo sexy, it shows me that you have a sensative side and you aren't ashamed to show it.

6. SEX. This is a broad topic because everyone has their own way of doing things. But lets just say I have been higly disappointed in the past. There is only ONE person that I can honestly say truly rocked my world!! All others were like ::yawwwwwnnn:: I wanna be able to enjoy it. I want it inside for hours and like never get tired...Man oh mann...ok ok moving on.

7. When I come home from work/school I want my dude to be waiting at home for me. To rub my crusty ass feet and ask how my day was. PURE PERFECTION!!!

8. Well since I'm talking about perfection..EYES EYES EYES. Ok, so it's cool if you have like pretty color eyes. Green, Hazel..etc. But you don't even need to have a pretty color for your eyes to be beautiful. Sometimes eyes can be really mysterious. And that is the BIGGEST turn on. It makes me wanna like just rape you!! Dark and mysterious..UGHHHHHHH!!!! weettttttt.

9. I love a thick built. I like to grab on to stuff. A strong neck is like yummmmaayy in my tummaayyy. Broad shoulders..a muscular back. JESUS CHRIST GIVE ME STRENGTH!!! Your face could look like butt booty juice, but turn around and have all of these aspects...OH MY GOD!!!! Whewww. It's getting a little hot in here.

10. Last but CERTAINLY not least, you need need need neeeeddd to have a personality. Strong sense of humor. I wanna laugh, I wanna cry because I'm laughing sooooo hard. Be able to hold an intelligent conversation on things that we both like (sneakers). Like be able to play around with me (respectfully) and have fun. Don't give a fuck what people are saying to under their breath. Make me go to sleep and have you be the first person I talk to in the morning so you could make my day...

So to put it in a nutshell, my dream man is...

siighhh come to me baby!!

Fart Face.

So I'm doing something new here. Video blogs?? Its not because I'm lazy because CLEARLY the work I put in for these videos are a lot more difficult then moving my sausage fingers across my keyboard. So here it is my loves. Enjoy babe cakes.

Eww Eww Eww.

So I ran into one of my professors today on my way home. And this was the first time I really actually "talked" to her. So we instantly starting talking about class and school and general. And as hard as I was trying to focus on the fact of the matter. I just could NOT get over this woman's grill. OH MY GOD!!! She DEF had some scrap metal for lunch. It's bad enough her teeth were doing the cha cha slide, but someone must have gave her a yellow crayon to wash down that scrap metal. Her mouth was making me so freaking sick. And she kept smiling, like she had pearly whites or something. It's not like this lady is a broke bitch or anything like that. She has quite a bit of cash...she's actually BALLIN! So the entire time I was looking at her teeth and not paying any attention to the conversation we were having. So overall, I just wanted to express my disgust at this professors mouth. I swear there is something in this New York water that simply calls for fucked up teeth. But she def had the yuck mouth of the century!! My god.

Goodnight my loves. Brush before you hit the sack please and thank you!

Try Something New....

Do we like it this way??

::barf barf barf:: what the FUCK is the matter with me?

I honestly think I have gone crazy and need to be inserted into a mental hospital. I keep talking to myself. I pretend like I'm talking to people when no one is around. And I'm talking to myself as I write this. I have lost my FUCKING mind. I am just soooooo concerned and soooo worried about this freaking boy. Lauren get the hell over yourself!!! What the hell!!!???? You have seriously gone crazy!! And now you're talking in third person??? Ok, I understand you be a little dick whooped..like homeboy put it down. But jesus christ!! Did he scar me for life?? My minds favorite stupid fucking subject. Every time there is a spare moment for my mind to wander..it goes right to his ass. WHY WHY WHY??? Its so frustrating. I wanna poke my eyes out and put the pain else where. NO NO NO!!! I need to calm my ass down and get the fuck over myself. I need to relax. That's it. Relaxxxx. Ahhh. I feel better already. Deep breaths. And talking to him..doesn't make it any better. It's like a tease!!! Like haha I'm right in front of your stupid fat face and you can't have me because we're "just talking"....fuck fuck fuck fuck I DON'T WANNA TALK..UGHHHHh!!!! Oh my god. I really think I have gone crazy. Wait, am I like...obsessed with him?? Nawww, he ain't even all that...I gotta calm myself. Homeboy has me trippin. I need to pull out a toy and start the vibrating or something. I'm buggin. I need to like compose myself and get it together. Stop being a poor pitiful sap of powdered milk! Ok ok, I'm cool now. I needed that pep talk. I'm good. Just had to let that evident frustration out before I choked the shit out of some helpless bystander. Come on La, its time to do you. You got a lot on your plate..So take one thing at a time and allow yourself to "liquify" freely. New day. He's still here. So relax yourself. Whoa, I need a vacay!! EWWW, I can't believe I'm acting like this over a dude. What the FUCK?? Lauren, that ain't a good look for you sweetie..Danger much?? Now for some fun!! Spur of the moment photo shoot. Awww fuck doing my hair.. buh byeee double kisses bitches! tootz! Goodbye,Goodbye,Good FUCKING BYE!

how low can ya go??

Boyfriend. Noooo. "Boy" Friend

Relationships can be tricky. And when shit finally hits the fan you make that life changing decision to be "just" friends, the term that haunts you in your sleep at night and keeps you up 'till the wee hours of the morning. Everyone always says that you can't be friends with your ex. Hmmm, well lets just say I'm bending the rules a little. Trust me, I've gotten it all...stupid, dumb, foolish...the list goes on. If you truly love someone, no matter how bad they hurt you, you wouldn't give up. And La ain't giving up. I can't dismiss someone who means the world to me. I just can't. I would be a damn FOOL!! The most painful part is looking back on all the memories. That is what eats me up inside..to know that I won't be able to share them with him. That's what makes me cry. And because of that I can't say goodbye. I tried. I couldn't. If I say goodbye, that gives both of us every opportunity to move on. And needless to say, I'm not ready to move no where. Goodbye means forever. Not for the moment, not until tomorrow or next week. It means forever. And to imagine looking someone who you have sooo much love for straight in the face and telling them goodbye. OH NOO!!! It's wayyy too hard. The first thing I think about is how that same face can make me smile and make me laugh by doing absolutely nothing. That no matter what that stupid face does to make you mad, at the end of the day all you could do it shrug it off and continue to love him. Call me crazy, but history like this....makes it difficult to move on. I can go and start talking to another dude RIGHT now. But who am I fooling, that's not what I want. And it DEF won't fill the emptiness. The only one who can patch up the wound is the one who made it. Nobody, and I do mean NOBODY can fill his shoes. They can try...but chances are slim to none...sigghhhh....what am I gonna do with my life???






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Break Me Off, Show Me What Ya Got..I DON'T WANT NO 1 MINUTE MAN!!

This blog is coming straight from my big ol' heart. If I offended anything from the bluntness of this post then I do apologize in advance..Because it just might get a little graphic. I won't mention any names, but I'm sure those who are interested will know if they are being mentioned. Sex isn't like a huge thing for me. And I haven't had many sexual partners. To be honest, I'm still on one hand. But I was thinking today, and you know what grinds my gears!!!!??? A 1 minute man! OMG, I can honestly say there is only one person in my history of sexual activity that has rocked my fucking world!! But after that..Uhmmm, lets just say I would rather use my hand. In all actuality they don't only last a minute, but it's not hours and mins before they burst. And then lil' ol' me is stuck there like uhmm can I get a nutt?? I think it comes down to this: The ONE dude who has the trophy at this point is sooooo passionate. It wasn't JUST sex. It was like...oh my jesus! But anyway, not to go into too much detail. A guy does what he does and then like thats it. I usually get something like we're gonna go again, until you're satisfied. And yes, some have lived up to their word, while others are just uhmmmm. WHACK!!!! I know its hard. I mean I don't know, but I'm sure I have a feeling. Girls just sit there. They don't have to do much. Guys are sweating their little tushes off, really working hard and putting effort...and after I see like the work..I'm like boo for you. I don't think anybody can top MY top contender. He's something serious man!! And the worse thing ever,after a sexual activity the guy usually asks his rating or just assumes he was number one. Here's a hint, if I'm not moaning, or if my moans are off (meaning when you thrust I'm don't moan), chances are you suck balls. So overall, I'm sickened and annoyed by the lack of...uhmm well you know. BTW, while we're on the topic...SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy these bad boys are outta my life. BOO for NYC Condoms. The "free" condom.

So yeaa, just a random thought. Tootz my loveeesss.

What the FUCK Were We Thinking?? OMJesus!

Remember back in the days when you would run to the store to get the hottest fashion trends. Now that I look back at it, ewwww boo for La. I can't believe these things were EVER in style. And I suggest that if anybody has pictures of them rockin' this mess, PLEASE, for your sake and ours burn them. Here we go:
The infamous Baby Girl tees. Eww eww eww. It's like the tramp stamp of fashion. The signature cursive script, the bright colors often accompanied by glitter. WTF is a baby girl?? And what made things soooo much worse is when dudes starting calling chicks baby girl. NO NO NO!!! And just when we thought it was damned to hell they brought in the lovely baby girl pants which was sprawled across most asses around the nation. UGH!!!
The lovely Melissa's. The "unisex" shoe that was a hit back in the day. I'm not even gonna front, I had a pair. But when dudes started rocking the clear jellies....clearly they are not versitile in any way. Feminine as alll hell. What sold me with the Melissa's is the fact I could rock the different colored socks. And the new smell was soooo yummy. It smelled like scrawberries!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! The spinner chain!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO!!!!Cheap, disgusting, fake, ignorant...the list goes on...barf!!!!
Jersey Dresses. ::siggghh:: TACKY with a capital T. You couldn't tell a bitch with a jersey dress a damn thing. And those bad boys use to cost madd money back in the day too!!! Then other companies started getting hip to the fashion and made their own make shift jersey dresses..but uhmm, they weren't exactly NBA teams. More like Harlem 212 and Brooklyn 99. But all "good" things must come to an end. But unfortunately they don't stay that way.

I rocked a pair of the female versions my FIRST day of high school. I remember it soooo clearly..I had on a pair of those jeans and a 76ers jersey. SMH, WHY WHY WHY?? Those patches pants use to be the shit. Too bad it looked like the NBA threw up all over you. IT was just wayyyy too much going on for some pants. And I remember when I use to rock them, people use to sit there and comment on the teams and shout out their favorite teams. UGH!! Use to hate that mess. IDK what happened to them. I guess one day the good lord decided it was time to retire them. OMG, I remember I wore them with like size 12 gray low top timbs. HOT MESS!!!!!
The Von Dutch trucker hat!! It was the quickest fashion statement of life!!! I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was one of the first to be on the von dutch tip. I went to a boutique and dropped like $60 bucks on a teal and black one. And a few days later I was feeling myself because I went to the B2K concert and took a picture with Nick Cannon and he was like I LOVE your hat. So I felt special. The next thing I know...Everybody and their cousin has a damn Von Dutch. That trend literally lasted for like 2 months and then bounced QUICK!!!
The most insulting thing I could ever imagine. I feel like someone spit in my face and shitted in my mouth!! Why would someone even resort to such disrespectful behavior?? Butchering 10's into uhmmm..I don't even know what to describe these as. They even changed the whole color way..Lets not mention they tried to make em' official by lazering the spongebob image on the side. UGHHHHHHHHH!!! It's a disgrace. And you can't tell me...you can't tell Lauren that some dumb ass didn't cop them thinking they were the bomb.com. They should be slapped 20 times in the mouth!!
The FUBU jersey. THE FUBU jersey. For Us By Us. I was looking for the whole Queens, Bronx jumpoffs, but I couldn't find an image. Now the sad thing about this whole situation...is people are STILL rocking these damn jerseys. First of all, jerseys are soooooo 1992, but to throw on a FUBU jersey with some timbs?? BOO BOO BOO!!!!

The cartoon character glitter shirts. EHHHHH NOOOO!!! And dudes are still rocking hard with these things. You mostly see the whole Stewie from Family Guy joints. I've also ran up on Bugs Bunny a few times. I don't think it is politically correct for a dude to rock sucha glittery mess of shit. My god, these shirts are just unbearable!!
These tees piss me the FUCK off. I'm all for Obama. But I really don't understand why people are rocking these shirts AFTER he's elected?? And they really annoy me. They really do. Because I've seen some ignorant ones. Burn your Obama election shirt. Or at least keep it in the closet for the next election. I know we're all happy but geesh, let's give it a rest. That's like me rockin a Bill Clinton tee. GOOSHH!!!
Fly awayyyyy!!!! Girls who rock fake eyelashes look like a HOT mess. They are soooo ugly. And like the glue must be extra heavy or something because their eyes always look madd droopy, like they can't open them all the way. Just get you some Lash Stiletto and you will be good. I swear you will!!!
These rubber clogs have ALL the ug and NONE left over. I've never experienced the comfort, but I can DEF say that everyone and their cousin is rockin a pair of these bad boys..And they have the nerve to go out in public with them. Don't they have any pride in themselves?? I can't take this mess. And now...last but certainly not least....
The infamous yuck mouth. Grills are disgusting!!! They make your breath smell like hot ass gravy..They look nasty, they smell nasty, the concept is nasty. Okk, maybe it shows that you're ballin or whatever. But uhmmm, it also looks like you don't brush your teeth and when you take those bad boys out your breath looks and smells like a babys diaper. PLEASE STOP THE WHOLE GRILL THING!!! SOOOOOOOOO 2000.

So lovelys, lets not flash back to the past. Let's stay fresh, fly and fabb. Please and thank you!

Sun Sun Go Away. Come Again Another Day!

So today is one of those days where I just want to uhmm. SLEEP!!! And the sun is peaking through my blinds giving me every excuse to go ahead and wake my ass up! So I'm up and ready to dabble in today's activities. Hmm. What am I gonna do?? Laundry? Some spring cleaning? Or sit in my bed and blog allllll day!! YEA MAN!!! So I came across that video above earlier today when I was reading MTO (my morning ritual) and needless to say despite the event circumstances, that mess was pure hilarity. That was like my OJ this morning, it woke me right up!! Today is Wednesday. Middle of the week. I'm done with classes for the rest of the week. My roommate is gone. So that leaves me with???? Pure boredom. Which means...TONS AND BUNCHES OF BLOGS!!!! Speaking of blogs, although I crown my blog as the most original, amazing, fabb, creative and interesting piece of work upon this net...You should also check on Kanye's blog. It's pretty fucking rad. It's: http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/. This dude is amazing and sooo artisticly inclined. I love I love.
BTW, remember when I posted those previous blogs about The Love of Ray J and College Hill??? Well uhmmm, I am guilty on the first degree. I checked them out. I'm not saying I love them, I'm not even saying I like them...but I'm one for some drama and a good fight, and both those shows supply some hardcore action!! Well, I really don't have much to talk about, but I do feel bad that I ONLY post pics of one of my bffs. SOOOOOOO I leave you loser nerds with this:


We have ALL the history and none left over. He is my pickle to my burger mennggg.

NYC vs. MIA.

Most people would say there is no comparison because they are two entirely different places. Uhmm WRONG. I can sit here and say what I'm about to say because I have lived in both!! But I had an awakening on Saturday night when I went to my first actual like NYC night club. Trust and believe I would have done this looonnnggg ago, but I am still a jit so it's difficult. But this particular club was interesting. Now, I've done my share of club hopping in Miami, and needless to say..after a few hours I would want to bounce. The dudes were whack, and the music was like a flea market mixtape on repeat. But anywho, the next day after the club, my mother called me eager to hear about my experience. Errr. I couldn't tell her the truth..loll, so I told her the sugarcoated version..And I think it is safe to say that NYC clubs are wayyyyyyyyyy better then any Miami club I've been too. And I'm not just saying that because I was fucked up! I must admit, it didn't get poppin to like 1:30-2 am..But when it did. YES YES YES!!! What really made me enjoy myself was the music. OH MY JESUS!!! I wanted to take the dj home with me and like stick him in my ipod for future reference. It was crazzzaayyyy. It was like throwback night!!! I'm talking about the oldies that make ya wanna get up off your hurting feet and dance. So as the night progressed, we had some more fun!! Some latin music graced the scene and we all know La HATES HATES HATES spanish music, but shit I was feeling it...the dudes I was dancing with were just so free spirited and fun. I really did enjoy myself.

Now back to the whole NYC vs. MIA thingy. I think it is safe to say that MIA is a baby NYC. Everybody is trying to get up on the get up. I went to South Beach for Spring Break and happened to run up on a Training Camp! I gasped!! What!! I had to blink twice and make sure I wasn't in New York. Miami is tropical. Thats the only difference. The sun, the beach and the palm trees. If ya ask me I prefer NYC over Miami ANY day. I freakin love this place. I really don't understand how people can say OMG I hate New York I want to leave. Pish Posh to that shit. New York is amazing!! Me and the roomie went to the circus on Friday. And you would think it would be whacktastic..NO NO NO!!! The circus was the SHIT! It was soooo amazing, the Garden was filled to capacity and it was just awesome!! New York offers countless opportunities. You can like walk around and do things for free. Yes FREE. It's a recession and FREE is the magic word!! FREE FREE FREE. I honestly wouldn't want to live any place else in the world and if you don't live in this fabb city I think it's safe to say uhhhmm, errrr, ehhhh..BE JELLED!!!!! Thankksssss.

Here's some of the before club pics. When me and my roomie were SO feeling ourselves. If ya know what I mean jelly bean.

There's Something About Mary?? NOOO, There's Something About a Puerto Rican Man!!! YES!

I'm not biased. I accept and love all races and nationalities. BUT, there is just something about a Puerto Rican dude that is like YES YES YES!! When I lived in Miami, I told everyone my dreams and aspirations was to move to NYC and marry a Puerto Rican with a puff and work for VIBE magazine. Hmmph, well I moved to NYC, uhmm I was in a horrible relationship with a P.R. with a puff, and I did intern at VIBE. So let's just say I aim high and go for what i want. Btw, I'm not just talking about any P.R...they have to be a Tri-State area puerto rican. Those are the best. Oh my jesus!! Am I addicted to them?? Ohh mannn, thats scary! But needless to say, it's just a physical attraction because I can speak from experience when I say these stupid boys are assholes. They are just something yummy to look at. Go ahead and get in a relationship and BAM!!! You're expected to stay home and flip pancakes all day. Not I said the cat! I swear to you there is this special gene for puerto ricans, its like the sexy gene. Their lips are so sexy and pink!! UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Ok lemme calm myself down before I get....Anywho, so this was like the most random post of life. But I love I love I loooovveeeeee!!!!!!! Until next time my little lily pads...STAY FRESH, FLY AND OHHHH SOOOOO FAB!!!

FACT: Libras Like Attention.

Attention whores. Put two Libras in a room together. They will fight for attention. This is one thing that the zodiac fails to tell us all...Libras LOVE attention. Whether it be positive or negative. This doesn't only apply for females..males like that mess as well. The competitive nature of Libras is indescribable!! We want to be the best at it all, we don't do half ass do ANYTHING. We go hard or go the fuck home. Sooo I think it's safe to say, boo for two Libras being together!! That's like eating hot dogs and broccoli...It just doesn't mix!! We're not conceited. That's not us at all..But speaking from experience we are some cocky muthafuckas (sorry). Hmmm, but that was just the random thought of the day..Byyeee Gurrrrllll.
Thankkss. Tootz.

Friends Should Always Stay..Uhmm. Friends.

We always do this thing that fucks us up all in the head. Two friends fall in love with each other and then risk their PERFECT friendship to start a relationship. And needless to say the relationship is not so perfect. I'm starting a new rule, I swear to god I'm not even thinking about BFF's. They are soooo off limits. A friend that knows everything about you, the one you use to talk all your problems out with, the one who told you to keep your head up and stay strong....Someone like that should be cherished. They should be kept close. But as soon as you say ehh, lets try it out...BAM!!! Now who do you have to talk too?? Who can you tell all your secrets too?? Who will stop your tears?? NO ONE!! Because they are the ones who are making you cry, the ones who are hurting you, the ones that make you scared at night. Friends are a NO NO!! You would THINK they are like the bomb.com because they know you soooo well. They know how to deal with you during your best and worse times. But for some odd strange reason as soon as you get that title, all those qualities that you loved as a friend suddenly goes sttttrrraaaigghtttt down the drain into a bottomless pit of emptiness. And once you start you can't turn back. You can't be like ohh soo lets just go back to how we were before. NOOOO you're too late in the game for all of that. Hmmm. This was just a thought. Ya know, past experiences and stuff. But my bestest roomie introduced me to this song yesterday by Mint Condition. It is like THE song....So I will leave you with this my lovess:

IDK If Its Because of April Fools Day...

But people are DEF making a fool of themselves today. Ok, ok..LOOKIE at this mess. But they made it clear from the beginning. NO HOMO. But I don't believe them!!!



I lost it when they did the whole tongue thing. Did they really think that was sexy??? They looked like a hot mess. OMG, youtube is SO my BFF today!

What in the Name of Ignorance!!!???

I usually start my day off by visiting the infamous MTO to check up on celebrity gossip and all that other hoopla. So I scroll down and experience DEATH. Poor girl is all I have to say. Who would want to rep Miami after this mess?? Sure as HELL not me. Just look. Please watch the whole thing. I couldn't help but to laugh..

The part that got me is when she kept saying how she is up in the flea market..and THEN she like shouted out USA flea market. OH MY JESUS I couldn't take. Shittin' on these hoes. I mean Shitting on YOU hoe. SMH. And I thought Soulja Boy was whacker then Crack. Homechick put the icing on the muthafuckin cake!! She made the damn cake!!! Ohh boyyy, these are the things that make my day!!!!