Boyfriend. Noooo. "Boy" Friend

Relationships can be tricky. And when shit finally hits the fan you make that life changing decision to be "just" friends, the term that haunts you in your sleep at night and keeps you up 'till the wee hours of the morning. Everyone always says that you can't be friends with your ex. Hmmm, well lets just say I'm bending the rules a little. Trust me, I've gotten it all...stupid, dumb, foolish...the list goes on. If you truly love someone, no matter how bad they hurt you, you wouldn't give up. And La ain't giving up. I can't dismiss someone who means the world to me. I just can't. I would be a damn FOOL!! The most painful part is looking back on all the memories. That is what eats me up inside..to know that I won't be able to share them with him. That's what makes me cry. And because of that I can't say goodbye. I tried. I couldn't. If I say goodbye, that gives both of us every opportunity to move on. And needless to say, I'm not ready to move no where. Goodbye means forever. Not for the moment, not until tomorrow or next week. It means forever. And to imagine looking someone who you have sooo much love for straight in the face and telling them goodbye. OH NOO!!! It's wayyy too hard. The first thing I think about is how that same face can make me smile and make me laugh by doing absolutely nothing. That no matter what that stupid face does to make you mad, at the end of the day all you could do it shrug it off and continue to love him. Call me crazy, but history like this....makes it difficult to move on. I can go and start talking to another dude RIGHT now. But who am I fooling, that's not what I want. And it DEF won't fill the emptiness. The only one who can patch up the wound is the one who made it. Nobody, and I do mean NOBODY can fill his shoes. They can try...but chances are slim to none...sigghhhh....what am I gonna do with my life???






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