Lies.

The million dollar question: Why do we lie?? What is the purpose of lying? It's just going to haunt you in the future and come back to bite you in the ass. I admit it. I've lied before, soooo I guess I am able to answer that question. Right? WRONG!!! Ok sooo I came across this quote by our good ol' friend Abe Lincoln:

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.

Hmmm. Agreed. You may be able to get away with your lies to a select few, but then there are the people like me who KNOWS the truth. If there is one thing mother dearest taught me..it was to spot a good ol' liar. I have this third eye sense. This itch that won't go away until I find the truth. Soooo if that person doesn't give themselves away I take it upon myself to do some research. One thing I must admit, is that liars always leave loopholes. ALWAYS. Things never connect and they almost NEVER research the facts before they open up their mouth with the lie. Those type of people are compulsive liars. The ones who just lie for the hell of it. Uhmm, here goes another quote:

He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, till at length it becomes habitual.

My favorite part (and the hardest) is approaching a liar with its lies. There are smart ways to do it and then there are stupid ways to do it. And unfortunately I usually go ahead with the stupid route. Okkk, a little white lie is no big deal to me. A one time lie wouldn't even stress me out. But Oh My Jesus have mercy on my soul, if your lie is staying strong for MONTHS!! Ohh mann do we have a problem. I don't mean to point my finger at the culprit. But hmmm. Guys are such fucking liars. I don't care what anybody says. Girls lie to get themselves out of trouble. Guys lie just to fucking lie. They really do.


I am so jumping all around here, so let me stay focused and to the topic. Lying allows some sort of escape. From what?? I don't know. But there has to be a reason why soooo many people do it. It's become a natural habit. Lying is like a lifestyle. OooOO a "habitual liar". OMG, I suddenly had an awakening. Nooo..uhm actually I didn't. I don't know what to say anymore. For the first time in a really long time, I'm speechless. I'm mad, sad, glad, fabb. All of my emotions have been bottled up and the cap is about to blow the fuck off!! UGH. I need my marijuwana. I can't take.

I am SOOOO gonna do it!!

I am ready. I am 20 years old and I'm not getting any younger. So why not go out with a bang before I take that leap into adult hood. I'm going skydiving. Of course I'm not going by myself silly...I'm taking my lovely boyfriend with me!! YAY!!!

Good to Have a Friend. And a Cousin.

Let me start out by saying that this kid is my LIFE!! We are connected through each others soul. We go through the same things at the same time. I love this bitch ass fart face!! So I recently left North Carolina. I was a little down in the dumps that I had to leave. So pish posh. My dearest cuzzo/bff/bro ham made me a video. I was SO surprised to get this. Who ever thought someone would put so much effort for little ol' me. BTW, here is the vid. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEE this song. SO me. Too bad I can't find it anywhere in this world. So enjoy my lovely fishcakes.



Just to give you a heads up...
We are aliens and we SO don't belong on this fucked up planet. So uhmmm. Google our species I guess??

The Lost Tapes

There was some outtakes of Miami that you guys WEREN'T suppose to see. But heyy, I love you all so why no give you the goodies. Here are the Lost Tapes. The good, the bad, the fucked up and the plain ol' yucky!!!







This is where it gets good!!

Besides the fact that I look SO horrid. I find it VERY offensive that this bum is talking shit right in front of my face.


So we caught some pretty cool action on the beach. Homegirl got CAUGHT!

My favorite video of all time!!

Here's the story. We pull out of the parking garage and decided to fuck with this spanish lady and tell her we didn't have the money to pay. She was sucha bitch!! But we ended up paying the old hag.


I miss Miami =(

Oh No She Didn't...Missss Gurrrrrllll.

::sighs:: ::scratches head:: ::passes gas::

So uhm. HI!! If I ever needed a blunt, right now would be a surpurp time to light one up. Shit, I'd even fuck with a roach right now, and I don't do roach's..they burn my lips and chubby little fingers. Uhm, so today I'm gonna teach you a lesson. Not just any lesson. A fabb, wonderful, educational lesson. Something that you can take with you for the rest of your life. I'm 20 years old. Granted, I'm not really experienced. I'm not a loosey goosey, I haven't tried most sexual positions, I don't do drugs (weed is not a drug) and I haven't had one of those drunk, pass out and have sex with someone you don't know nights. But there has been other great lessons I have learned. Those things that I will NEVER go through again because I learned my lesson. I'm being grateful enough to share my experiences and life lessons with you, so YOU don't make the same mistakes I did. And boy (or girl) where those some hardcore mistakes. So here we go.

La's 20 year old top 20 Life Lessons or Mistakes. Whatever You Wanna Call Em'.

1. Never cry over a boy who doesn't shed tears for you.
2. NEVER, EVER, EVERRRRR keep it inside the circle of friends. BIG no no.
3. Don't let anybody lower your self-esteem to a mere pile of shit. You are wayy too good for that.
4. Don't drink Cisco. It's a bums wine, and will make you do some crazzyyy things.
5. Think before you speak.
6. Lying is stupid. It just comes back to bite you in the ass at a later time.
7. Sex doesn't make a relationship. Love, Trust and Honesty is what makes the relationship.
8. Love songs make you crazy. Don't listen to them. They make you want to cut your wrist and swim in a pool of your own blood.
9. Don't wear flip flops in the snow.
10. Waiting till 19 to loose the V Card was a good thing. Losing it to an asshole..now that wasn't such a good idea.
11. Being preggo at a young age is SO 1960.
12. Spend money when you have it!! Saving is for wimps. You could save your money for 10 years and then die one day. Then what do you have to show for it??? SHOP SHOP SHOP!!
13. My money isn't YOUR money. MY money is MY money. NOT yours.
14. If I had 24 hours to live, at the 23rd hour I'd send out a mass email telling everyone I was dying and to play Yous a Hoe at my funeral. I don't want my funeral to be a sad occasion. Celebrate my life please and thank you.
15. I am not having ANY children. If I were to get preggo I'm throwing myself down the stairs.
16. There are only a select few that REALLY loves you. Don't be fooled by the ones that say they do. You can tell the ones who are in it to win it!
17. Travel Young. Which is soon to come.
18. Love at first sight isn't real. Neither is love three days later. Or a week. Or a month.
19. Boys come a dime a dozen.
20. Jealously is the root of all evil. Envy will drive someone to harsh measures.

So thats it my loves...I hope you learned something special. Love yaass.

A Letter to Satan.

Dear What’s Your Name:

So you thought you were slick. Thought that stupid shit was gonna make me your bitch. So let’s run over a few things. Let me explain the truth. I DO NOT want you. I must admit, that was a cheap shot to make us split. But like I told you that night, I love him. Me and You? Eh, chances are slim. Actually, NONE. You’re kinda a bum. You just messed up something that I cared for SO much, and if we break up you are gonna need a crutch and a clutch. You thought I hated you before. You better hope I don’t EVER see your ass again. I can’t believe you would stoop that low because I chose him and not you. That day I left, I told you I had to choose. From the moment I walked at that gate, you knew EXACTLY who I was going with. And that shit made you mad, because you wanted me so so sooo bad. I knew this was going to happen. Someone as lonely as you…I swear I knew!! This is where the vindictive traits start to show, you thought I was gonna be your little hoe. The fact that you made it seem like the entire night was MY fault. I admit I was wrong. I haven’t talked to since that day. As badly as you wanted me to stay. Words can’t express the anger that is engulfing my soul. If killing wasn’t a sin, you’d be so deep in a hole. FUCK YOU!!! I hope you don’t ever get a girl after this shit you put me through. My mother was so right when she said “Jealously is the root of all evil”, because you are one evil bitch! I can’t believe I ever put my lips upon yours. The thought of it is making me want to simply throw the fuck up. God is going to work miracles for us never seeing each other again. Because the day that shit happens. You are going to wish Lauren Ashley Peterson was never born. I love my boyfriend. So fuck you!!!

Signed with Blood,
La.

Irony is Uhm..Ironic.

So I was feeling in the poetic mood today. So I decided to write a poem about someone who means a lot to me. The ironic part of this all?? Uhmmm?? I'll just let ya'll read the poem and then explain.

When I first met you, I knew you weren’t my type. I kept telling myself he was too gangsta, that lifestyles not right. And the fact you were my uhm boyfriends bestfriend..that just had to end. So I let it rock. Didn’t have any feelings for you, was like fuck it let him go. He can be your friend, but after that it was a no. Time passed by. We talked here and there, and then I started to realize, this thug was kinda rare. I expected so much less, someone who didn’t care. Just a sexy face, no real feelings to spare. But I was into something else, so I had to be fair. But then you showed an interest. And I was like nooo this can’t be true, I ain’t neva had someone like you…be into me?? I just couldn’t see. We were so different. Like apples and oranges. I was this giddy little white girl. You…were hardcore thug. But you became my drug. And I became addicted, to the game that you spit, the words that you said..the thug appeal just went right to my head. I needed double dosages, once, twice, three times a day. I had to talk to you. It became an obsession. Me wanting you became my profession. But the stories not quite done, cuz after all you weren’t the one. I still had a man. Falling in love with you was not my plan. But I started feigning. Wanting more. It wasn’t even on a sexual level. Strictly emotional. We never talked about sex, our friendship was sooo complex. I saw where this was going. And I kept telling myself no. That my feelings were gonna get hurt, and then where could I go? You were like a knight in shining armor. When I needed you…you were always there. Someone to talk to, when I was really scared. You gave me advice…told me to go to stop, to live out my dream. If only you knew my real dream was to be with you. But I started to lay the cards out on the table. You would never have time for me. And because of that, we just couldn’t be. I knew I would never see you. I wasn’t your priority. Nor would I ever be your wifey. So I moved on. Started to see what was out there for me. Tried to set myself free. I dated one guy. No comparison. I came right back. FYI; that relationship was whack. And heres the part where I cried. Because this new boy came along and caught my eye. We started going out and everything was great. But you were still in the picture…and that..I really did hate. I wanted to be with you so bad. But you wouldn’t allow me to. So this boy lasted a little longer than planned. He actually was my man. And then there was no more you. I told you to leave me alone and we were through. You did. Until a few months later when you came back again. I knew from that moment on that it was fate. I couldn’t break up with my boyfriend, it was too late. I cried. And cried. Because I loved you. I couldn’t talk to you. I couldn’t call you. All the shit I put you through. So I did it!! After 3 months of agonizing pain, I made the choice to be with you. ONLY you. And two months later, I think it’s safe to say we’re pretty fucking awesome. We are on a whole different connection…Some wild crazy affection type connection. I love you more then you can ever imagine. I don’t lust for you nor do I think this is a crush. I apologize if I’m making you blush. But you are my everything. Even though you make me sooo fucking mad sometimes. And people keep asking me why I put up with your shit. And that I’m not your only chick. But I am so madly in love with you, I don’t care what anybody says. Or the stupid stuff they put in my head. I know everything about you. Most married couples don’t even know about each other. So where do we go from here? Hopefully, not towards my biggest fear. To wake up one day, and you not be here. Losing you…I can’t even fathom myself to think. It would seem like I lost a friend, a lover, my brother..all of the above. I love you. The entire package. Flaws and all. You said something yesterday, about me wanting to marry you. I said no. But you’re a loser if you believed me. I don’t believe in love at first sight. But I will always remember that night. The first time I saw you. That was the day that I knew I was SO into you. Lets show people that we are going far. That 10 years from now we will STILL be together. My favorite part about this story is that you never gave up, you knew what you wanted and just how to get it. But I want to thank you. For always being there no matter what. I love you.

Now lemme explain the irony. Tonight could have given anybody the sole reason to be like fuck you goodbye. Especially after you keep doing things to fuck shit up. Not once, but this is twice. There shouldn't be any reason for it. I know I love him. So why do I do the things I do?? Or did?? It was a time in my life when I was unsure. Do I wish I could take it all back?? Sure!! But now I scarred my relationship for the duration of time. I wouldn't trust myself anymore. Shit, after tonight I wouldn't trust anybody anymore. I keep playing this Russian roulette game, and one day I'm going to experience the bullet. I'm 20 years old. Each and every one of my relationships have gone sour. So why am I giving someone every reason in the world to walk out on me?? I can't take anymore. I really can't.

Welcome Back, Welcome Back...Welcome Back....

So I'm back. And I'm sad because I don't want to be back. I don't want to be in school and I don't want to be in NYC. I love it to death..but I wasn't ready to come home. This vacay was much needed. And to be honest I wasn't ready to come home. I miss the boyfriend, but I also miss the besties and the bro ham. So it comes down to this. The summer is coming up. I am wanted in high demand in 3 different places. Now I can be all spiffy and go all three places or I can stick with one. Idk what to do with my life?? But back to Miami, my trip was great!!! I ran into old peeps and saw some long lost fam members. I can sit here and tell you about my trip, but showing vids are always SOOOO much cooler. So here is my Spring Break documentary. You've already seen some boyfriend shout out videos but here is some more good stuff....there are quite a few of them..so bear with me lovelyss.

Video 1: Saying Hello Before the Beach



Video 2: At Denny's Before the Beach


Video 3: Almost there...


Video 4: WE ARE HERE!! And high.


Video 5: La high= BAD


Video 6: Ashy toe.


Video 7: Blankets cramp my style.



Meanwhile....



Video 8: Bro Hams House..YAY!!..NOTE. thats not my brother.


Video 9: The Mad Rapper


Video 10: My Brother from anotha Mother!!


A few days later in NC....

Video 11: FABB. Pure FABB.


Video 12: Rainy Daze.


Video 13: Uh Oh. High AGAIN. This time it gets worse!!


Video 14: My Alibi.


Video 15: Verdict #1


Video 16: Last but not least and Verdict #2


I think its safe to say that La can NOT handle her marijuwana!! But I FUN!!!!!!!!!! Goodbye my lovesss.

Hmph.

BEFORE i was mad. hmph. Ok so once again, heres a little quickie. I can't wait until I actually have some time to go in on my blog. Vacays are sooo freakin stressful, you barely have time to do anything with my life. BUT I promised my lovely boyfriendt that I was gonna make him a video. So here is his video. It was made with love. Even though I want to choke the shit out of him. Needless to say I still love the shit out of this man. So here ya go..lookie. OH a few more things: I got this really cutie haircut and my throat is so freakin sore..And I took some photoshoot pics as well. I'm gonna just shut up and go ahead and show you. BTW, if you wanna see the complete set then you can go ahead and visit me on myspace. www.myspace.com/laleezi. Thankkksss.


Cuzzo Barbie Doll Thingy Going On.




And now my cool new hair cut.

Well you can't really see it because uhm, I take weirdo pics. So stay tuned for some more yummayyy goodness.

But anywho, uhm..I'm actually gonna go ahead and like get drunk tonight. So until then my loves. Wait!!! I'm actually gonna post another video. Just so people don't think they're special!!!

A Taste of Miami. More to Come

So I went to Miami. After almost 2 years of missing it. NYC is my home, I love it and will always love it..But of course there is some love in my heart for the M.I.A. But I just wanted to show my boyfriend how much I love him and missed him the entire time...OMG, hes the best. So lookie at the vids i did for him.



A Special dance for my love.



A Special shout out for my love.



and another.

I Can Not Fathom Any More...

BET does it again. Oh my jesus!! College Hill South Beach. Translated into another ignorant series to showcase the actions of young African Americans. I really can not find words for this one. College Hill Virgin Islands was bad enough, so lets make another season of black guys fighting and black girls looking like straight up HOES! Yes, something that we should all be proud of. If I had a kid, I'd sit him in front of the television and be like "Look, this is what they want our children to be these days." It really makes me sick to my stomach. The feeling is just so unexplainable. I really want to speak to BETs creative director or something. WAIT! I know what happened, that dude retired, and that lady took his spot. Yeaaaa, thats it. Because I use to fuck with BET back in the day. Now, nope nope nope! So lets take a look at the lovely cast:

Cute. Funny how they threw the chiko in there. So must of them attend FIU, or UM. Ehh, okk at least they didn't bust out with Miami Dade or something. It premieres March 24th, I believe. And we all know I'm going to take a look at the first episode. I would like to give it a chance before I completely shut it down. So homegirl with the hair thingy going on?? This is the blurb BET put for her on their website: Allison is biracial and referred to as the "typical White, Black girl."

Re-read it again. The "typical White, black girl". Ok, that made me mad. What the HELL is a typical white black girl?? Because I thought they said she was biracial?? So what makes her typically white?? Hmm. I don't like the sound of that one bit. Let's proceed. Brandon and Chris (the two cuties) they can get the business. But from reading their mini blurbs, Brandon is a smart ass and Chris thinks hes the shit. EWWWWWW. Turn OFF! The reason why I may be taking this whole South Beach College Hill thing to the heart is because I'm a Miamian. Born and raised in the county of Dade, and I know....for a FACT, BET is going to just fuck up everyone's image of Miami. I'm not even going to claim it anymore. What I really am DYING to know is where the hell is BET finding money to put these lames in these fly as cribs?? It's a recession and we know BET is def low on funds, Roxy is like dying her own hair, and Terrance...is just disgusting. But looksie at the cribo...CUTIE!








So I'm feeling the house. It is sooo purtttyy. But I still don't like BET. Fuckers!!!

Remember..PLEASEEEEE PLEAASEEE PLEAASEEE REMEMBER: Stay FRESH, FLY and oh so muthafuckin FABULOUS!!!!

Another Day, Another Dolla! Holla!

It sucks being a college student. This is what I had for dinner yesterday:

Don't hate because that shit was GOOD! So today is Wednesday, I don't have any classes today so what do I do all day?? Sit in my room all day and look like this!!:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!Don't look!!!!!!
College is a stressful time. Especially when you're paying $48,000 to take 3 classes. Hmmm. Interesting. So today, I have no clue what my blog is gonna be about. I'm just gonna roll with the flow. First of all I would like to give myself a pat on the back because I have blogged EVERY day this week. Sometimes even TWO times a day. Pshh, I'm THAT freaking awesome. I'm sure everyone is dying to know the outcome of my love worries. Well fortunate enough for you, I'm not telling. OHHH I have it!!

TOPIC OF THE DAY:


Ok so, back to reality show flops I guess. I've watched this show once. And luckily for me, that will be the LAST time. Ray J is the most pitiful specimen on this earth. His acting career is done, and his music career is on the same path (Refer to Kiss and Tell feat Lil Kim). That whole family just needs to hang up their Z-Lister celebrity coats. I am so tired of VH1 trying to find love for these hopeless celebrities. Shouldn't it tell you something if the groupies don't even want you. That means you are a has-been. A NOBODY. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. If you need a reality show and casting call to find love then you are whacker then crack!! Ray J got his moment of fame with that sex tape and "Wait a Minute", he should learn when enough is a fucking nuff! TV is just so freaking horrible now and days. I want to be able to turn on the television and watch classic nickelodeon and Cosby Show and those classic cartoons. Today I am faced with silly whores running across the screen trying to win a date with some has-been that probably has every STD in the world!! STOP STOP STOP!! PLEASEE!!!! For my sanity!!
Please lovelyss, remember to stay FRESH, FLY and FABULOUS. You're letting me down here, GEESH.

BET Presents: Harlem Heights (A Pitiful Attempt at Prime Time Television)

Yesterday, after watching BET's Rip the Runway, I decided to check out that new show, Harlem Heights. Needless to say, my initial reaction to the show was exactly what I expected. My opinion and views may be a little biased simply because I feel like BET, the network itself, is horrible! Harlem Heights is a exact replication of The Hills. The only difference is the race and location. Throughout the entire premiere episode I couldn't stop criticizing the irony of this show. 7 or 8 "long-time" friends grow up in Harlem, each of them possessing some sort of "prestigious" trade. BET was already wrong for making Harlem seem like a reputable community. Don't get me wrong, please don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with living in Harlem, and it is definately picking up in so many ways, but don't you think the series would have been SO much more realistic if they showed the "true" Harlem? The commentator of the show is a young black girl who has this GREAT job with these GREAT friends and talks like a straight up white girl. See, I can say that simply because I get the same thing all the time. Now Harlem is suppose to be this artistic and cultural melting pot, but depicting the message from this series: seems a little fabricated. I'm not trying to say its not possible, it very well could be. But c'mon. And how ironic is it that the first episode is showcasing the events of the night of the election. Personally, I feel like BET just dug themselves a ditch and threw their network in it. I mean Baldwin Hills (Laguna Beach) was a flop, College Hill (Real World) was a flop, uhm 106 and Park (TRL) really isn't whats popping these days. I'm actually really sad, because I feel like BET has so much to offer. And I can see the attempt they made with Harlem Heights. These young black entrepreneurs who are doing BIG things with their lives and living in upscale Harlem. NO, not really. Now the characters are what is soooo interesting. And yes, they are characters. I feel like there is absolutely no reality to this show. Trust me, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Making 125th seem like lush uptown village, ehhh..not so much. What really pulled my chain, is when the "gangsta" whose name I can't remember (but is SO SEXYY) was sitting at some restaurant with his like 4 year daughter and she says "I really hope Obama wins". Do 4 year olds really even know what is going on?? And then Daddy G says " Don't let anybody tell you that you can't be whatever you want..blah blah blah..I'm out here hustling because of you. You are the reason I do this"...Go ahead, re-read it. In all actuality he should have said, I don't have a job, and I'm using you as an excuse to stay on the streets. I should have known what type of series this was going to be like this when they walked out of a Scion xB (I believe) when they walked down the red carpet in their commercial or whatever that was. Seriously, people are saddened by BET's attempt. I mean Time Out NY, Essence...the list goes on. All I have to say about BET reality series is:






STOP MAKING THESE HORRIBLE REALITY SHOWS!!!!!!!!!

Another Day, The SAME Feeling.

My boyfriend didn't call last night =/. I'm losing it. If this is the end, I really don't know what I'm gonna do with myself. I am not prepared for this. I really am not. Just thinking about it is bringing me to tears. NO NO NO, this isn't the end. It can't be. We have def been through wayyyy too much. This is trivial. OMG...I'm gonna go cry.

=(. ::sad face:: I Messed Up. REALLY Bad

So again, I won't go into detail about my personal life, because if I do then people would hate me and stop "pretending" to read my blog. But to make a long story VERY short, I messed up. I let all those fucked up things that people said to me get inside my head and make me do some crazy things. For the first time EVER, my mind took over the actions of my heart. I love him. Plain and simple. There is no other way to describe it. I fucking love this kid. And I am sooooo stupid for even hurting him. What the fuck was I thinking? Seriously, this isn't me at all. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do. I just wanna cry. I really just want to crawl in a corner and cry. I'm not blaming anybody for anything. I am taking full responsibility for my actions. But once again I am faced with the biggest fear of my life. Losing someone I love and losing a friend. He tells me he loves me. All the time, so why did I do what I did? Why did I need to figure it out some other way?? UGH!!! I want to throw myself off the 10th floor and hope I land on the pavement below with all the answers. I really need to find myself. Something is not right, I'm lying, I'm fucking up a perfect relationship?? Where is this mess coming from? I know what I need to do!! For now on, I'm not telling ANYBODY shit about my relationship. Ya'll are fucking me up in the head. (I have said fucking like a million times). I'm scared. I am really really scared. Is he still gonna love me? OMG are we still gonna be together?? I can't lose him. OMG, I would die and cry and all that other bad stuff. La you seriously need to FOCUS! Ok Ok, song break:

I don't know what to doooooo....I can't lose the love of my life =/.

He Loves Me..He Loves Me Not...He Loves Me...He Loves Me Not...

I know lovelys, I am so pitiful. Always thinking about love and the stupid shit it brings. So I have all these people telling me something like this:
" La you got guys beating down your door to have a chance with you, don't just give your heart to one guy, especially if he isn't giving you his all."


Fair enough. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. The ultimate choice lies within my hands, so I'm not worried about that. But it really is amazing how someone can be so blinded by love. Don't get me wrong, being blinded isn't a bad thing. I wish I had a picture to show you, we really are in love. But I don't...wait, that should say something shouldn't it??


Yes, I know he can be replaced. But psh, I don't wanna replace him. He is a really great guy. If I were crazy enough I would actually get his name tattooed on my left butt cheek. There are times when I get really frustrated (which may be the case of lack of sex. Refer back to past blog: Sexual Frustration), I just want to be like ahhhhh forget it, leave me alone. But then I think about how it would be without him, and thats when I get all crazy and fucked up in the head. I believe in fate. And there is no way anybody can tell me different in this situation. Fate is sooooooooooo amazingly structured amongst us. I wish I can sit here and tell the whole story, but hmmmm, for the lack of names, I better not.

Sometimes I have this thinking sessions, just me and my music. Sometimes I fly solo, and just free ball by myself. And during these sessions I lay all the cards out on the table and start matching them. I figure out empty loopholes and discover new things. Whether they are bad or good, I still seem to never stop loving him. WAIT!! OMG!! Does this mean this guy can do whatever the hell he wants to me and this relationship and I will still love him?? OMFG, am I THAT pitiful?? YIKES!! Ok, focus La, let's get it together. Basically what I'm trying to say, and I'm not sure if he's gonna read this but: I wanna wake up where you are. I miss you and love you sooooo much, more then I can explain and I can't wait for you to come home!!!

::crowd awwwsss::