Day 3

This has probably been the worse day thus far. There are other factors that I am extremely happy about, but I get sad because I can't share that happiness with him. Today is also the first day where we had absolutely no contact. THIS is when reality starts to set in. THIS is when I'm sad. THIS is when I get mad. Yesterday when I was at work he called my job phone...that was the first time in 3 years that I felt that my existence really mattered to him. If that same effort and persistence would have continued on to today..He would have been a really lucky man because today I feel like he went right back to not caring. And trust me, I've done a few things I really shouldn't have done since the break up. Cute little i love you's and late night texts. I can't help that. I miss him so much. But I shouldn't be the one feeling guilty. I didn't do shit. He was the one who got caught up. Why did I have to fall so hard for him. I love him so much, and Little Miss Help a Friend Lauren hates to see anyone hurt. He deserves it!!! EVERY FUCKING SECOND OF AGONY!! But the fact that he's cooling it today, once .....

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!!!!!
He just called me. Seriously...I feel like crap. I don't know what to do or say any more. I feel like giving up. I'm so lost and confused to the point that it hurts...I hope this feeling goes away. I'm so scared..I'm really freaking scare...